Arghhh!!!! I'm Going Nuts

I wish I could stop feeling so fucking nutty and tired and sad and lonely and I wish the stupidest things didn't start it off. I'm going to go and listen to Wilco records to cheer myself up.

How to Fight Loneliness

How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine your teeth to meaningless
And sharpen them with lies

And whatever is going down
Will you follow around
That's how you fight loneliness

You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke

And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you'll ever need
That's how you fight it

Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time

Dreams

I have been having the most wildly colourful and realistic dreams lately. They have started with me doing the most mundane things in them and suddenly they have erupted into millions of different shades of a colour. They've been quite short and episodic, one that has stuck in my mind involved me fixing a computer monitor and once it came to life the strangest light and images emerged from it.

I'm Going to East Anglia...Apparently.

Today completely out of the blue Paul told me that I would end up living in Norfolk. I thought this a was a strange thing to say and asked him why but he just said 'I think you will'.

Alison wanted to know if they let outsiders into East Anglia and he said 'Oh yes, those East Anglians like to introduce a new defect into the bloodline about every hundred years or so' ;)

I found my phone underneath a load of socks, how stupid is that!

Binge Drinking

Twenty-four hour drink licensing came into force on thursday and this is going to turn us all into responsible mediterranean style half pint drinkers like the ones we met downing litre jugs of cider in Valencia.

As proof that I have become a responsible mediterranean style drinker I have listed what I consumed over the weekend*.

Friday:

Four pints in the Actress and Bishop.

Three bottles of Brahma Brazillian Beer at Dan's House.

One can of Joseph Jones Bitter on the train.

Three pints of beer in the Rainbow.

Saturday

One can of Stella Artois at my house.

Four pints of beer in the British Oak.

One bottle of Brahma and one large bottle of Cider in Balti Bazaar.

One can of Stella Artois on the train.

Four pints of Nastro Azzurro in the Sunflower Lounge.

Sunday

Three and a half pints of beer in the Country Girl.

Three pints of Nastro Azzurro in the Sunflower Lounge.

Monday

Four pints in the Country Girl

*Please note that this was a quiet weekend as I was unsuccessfully attempting to keep sober as I was on call. Also note that Monday is not normally classed as the weekend but I hate it so much that from now on I feel that everyone should go out and class it as the extended weekend.

Sunday Lunch

I phoned my boss to tell him that I had lost my phone as soon as I woke up. Nick then drove me into town so that I could ask if it had been handed in at the Sunflower Lounge but it unfortunately was closed. Nick went to visit his Mom and Dad and we arranged to meet back at the Country Girl.

I spent about an hour and a half listening to CD's in Virgin and bought Entroducing by DJ Shadow for the Organ Donor song but it was a different version to the one Gemma had played in Lowestoft so I was mildly disappointed but it is still a great album and I was complimented on my excellent taste in music at the till.

Even though it was his idea to meet up for lunch nobody knew where Ben had gone and it ended up being just Dan and I going to meet Nick for lunch. On the way to the Country Girl Dan and I expressed our jealousy that Tim and Gemma were somewhere hot but we turning blue with cold. Dan said he hoped their plane crashed, which is very nasty. I wasn't quite so horrid, I simply wished that they had spent the week arguing. Dan said he thought this was more evil.

I had a Lamb Casserole that was solely consisting of Lamb and Potato and wasn't too nice. We drank a few beers and Nick was assaulted by the barmaid. Dan wanted to challenge a table of about fifteen people to a game of Trivial Pursuit, but he didn't.

A while later we sat watching Top Gear in Dan's house and after that went to the Sunflower Lounge to see if my phone was there but no luck. We had a few more beers but were driven off by Anthony and the Johnsons.

Nick's Visit

Nick turned up around four, I fed him and we drank a beer before meeting Dan, Dave and Ben in the British Oak. Ben left quite early because he had other more important friends to meet but before he left we all arranged to meet for sunday dinner in the Country Girl.

Dan left us about about half eight because he was going to an illegal warehouse party which I couldn't be bothered with. I had a text of Joe inviting me to the Country Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons gang but I didn't think that I could have stood listening to them fine combing over the details of their warhammer battle and thought it better to give them a miss.

Screaming chav kids invaded the Oak and Dave, Nick and I decided to leave and go for a curry. We picked in the Balti Bazaar in Stirchley where the food was quite nice. Dave harrassed a middle-aged woman and caused her husband to spray beer all over the table by making him laugh.

About eleven Dave was starting to flag and called it a night but Nick and I headed to the Sunflower Lounge. I suggested it to the Warhammer Warriors but they weren't interested. The music upstairs was so bad that people were leaving. Luckily it was open downstairs and we could escape. Some lads thought that my crappy wallet was the most interesting and cool thing they had ever seen and insisted that I let them take lots of photos of it. They kicked us out about half one and we went back to my house to drink some more beer until Nick passed out.

Going to bed I realised that I had lost my workphone, I was on call but figured in my not very sober logic that I might as well worry about it in the morning and went to sleep.

Fucking Cold

I worked quite late and met James and some of his workmates straight after work in the Actress and Bishop. I didn't fancy spending the night in that particular watering hole so after a few said farewell around half-eight and headed home.

Neil was in Birmingham watching The Prodigy and Dan had arranged to meet him in either Rooty Fruity's or in The Rainbow. David Cooper phoned me whilst I was sitting on the train and shouted very very loudly down the phone but for some reason didn't want to join us in town.

I called around at Dan's house and we ate pizza, were joined by my brother, drank beer and listened to some banging tunes by Rolf Harris before heading out into the sub-zero temperatures to catch the train into town.

It was fucking freezing in The Rainbow it was even colder in the garden bit, it was pretty quiet and nearly everybody was wearing hats, gloves and scarfs. The best music was in the garden bit but nobody was dancing. Around the outdoor heater was about twenty five people huddled together, they probably would have been warmer strutting there stuffs.

Neil turned up with his friend, Matt was apparently too drunk and had had to go home. The both seemed pretty half cut themselves.

Neil disappeared sometime before the end with out saying ta ta.

We left at closing time and it was far too cold to do the normal lets go and see if somewhere is still open routine and quickly we caught a taxi home. I went around to Dan's for a bit to annoy him by talking about how rubbish love is and got home about three.

Arab Strap

I went to see Arab Strap play at the Bar Academy. I couldn't persuade anyone else to come but thought, fuck it, I've wanted to see them for a long time and for one reason or another never had the chance, its a lonely Monday night, so why not.

I called around Dan's house for a last attempt in persuading him to come, he said he had no money and couldn't be persuaded. Instead he offered me food and we drank a bottle of champagne.

Around nine I arrived at the Bar Academy where the support, an accordianist singing traditional scottish songs, was about half way through his set. A few people watched him but most were buying drinks and chatting.

I noticed that there were more women around than at a normal gig and a few groups of ladies perhaps because Arab Strap sing songs about doomed relationships and unrequited love rather than making KICK ASS ROCK MUSIC!!!

The drummer was not with the band so there was more of an accoustic feel to the set. They played a few songs that I recognised and some new ones too. A song about spending every evening in the pub just to get out of the house away from a shitty relationship was particularly resonant with me. Another one I liked was advice to younger brother.

Aidan Moffat announced that he didn't like encores and would be going off for a five minute break. Most people were still at the bar when they returned to the stage to which he said "Don't worry, get yerselves a drink, I dont mind people buying a drink. In fact I encourage it" he then said something about being down to the last stock of Scrumpy Jack.

I'm glad I went to the gig, I just wish I had someone to go with. Unlike five years ago there are loads of bands playing in Birmingham and there are more venues hopefully I can get some others out next time rather than spend another Monday night watching a band an ma oun.

You can download some free tracks from the Arab Strap website if you want to make yourself feel all melancholy.

www.arabstrap.co.uk

Ugly

I shaved my beard off today and was quite shocked to see what the last few weeks excesses had done to my face. I look like I haven't slept in weeks. This week will be early nights and plenty of fruit and veg. :]

Cheap Spirits

I had a phone call off Ben around two asking me if I was coming out for an all day drinking session. I declined the offer as I was looking after Joshua and my brother had downloaded all sorts of nasty things on to his computer and I needed to fix that in order to restore (temporary) harmony at my parents house.

Around Seven I rang Ben to find out where he was, suprisingly he sounded reasonably sober. I met him and Dave in the OVT in Selly Oak and had a double Jack Daniels and Coke waiting for me. The booze in the OVT is very cheap and thus the pub attracts all sorts of lowlifes, its not a pub that I would ever choose to go to but as the alcohol is cheap and after six or seven doubles I didn't care where I was.

I had organised with Dan and Joe to go to The Rainbow, they arrived in the OVT just after Dave disappeared with and just before Ben disappeared. They had a couple of beers and we headed into town.

In The Rainbow I bumped into the girl who I spent most of the evening dancing with the last time I had been there. She was as chatty and funny and sexy as the time before. This time I found out that her name definately was Liz. We talked for a while but after what felt like an hour her bloke appeared, bugger.

I was wearing my cowboy hat which strangely brought me a fair bit of attention and I danced with a number of young ladies. One of them was doing that jamaican dancehall arse wiggling dance with me and in the early hours after too many spirits (which I am not used to drinking) I wasn't quite sure how to react to that or maybe that should be I wasn't quite capable of reacting to it.

I didn't see much of Dan or Joe. Dan later said that he thought I was getting on pretty well without him and didn't want to cramp my style. Ha ha what style is that.

Me in my Cowboy Hat

Shooting Stars

I was walking up the road singing 'A New England' by Billy Bragg. I got to the line - I saw to shooting stars last night...when I saw a shooting star race across the sky. I wished on it of course but can't say for what as it wont come true

Dan Loves...

Tim sent me this picture it made me laugh.

Ugly Mugs

I finally recovered from the weekend just in time for the next one.

I was planning on going to go to Nottingham this weekend but something came up for Alec so I arranged to meet Chris in the Country Girl. I had originally only organised to spend an hour out and about and was going to spend the rest of the evening looking after Joshua. He informed me that he was going to spend the weekend with my Mom and Dad so I had the night free.

I ended up quite drunk protesting my innocence in any hand holding incidents, nobody believed me. I should probably dispence with drinking cider it does funny things to me.

I took these photos of a very attractive bunch of young men.

A Stupid Idea

I was a bit stupid of me to think that I could fly straight to work. My body clock was a bit messed up from all the staying out late so found it very hard to sleep. I couldn't sleep on the plane. I had an hours snooze when I got back home and got to work about half ten. I felt fine until about half one when I completely flagged. I left as early as I could. My boss told me that he hadn't expected me to come in anyway.

The Last Day

I didn't feel great waking this time I was as enthusiastic as the other two. We lazily travelled into town where Joe and Phil ate another steak for breakfast.

I needed to buy Joshua a present. Joe moaned about shopping the whole time I was looking and then moaned that there was nothing to do in Cologne except go to bars.

I drank too much coffee and felt wired for about two hours.

We finished the holiday as we had started, bar hopping. Phil and Joe really liked a bar called Papa Joe's which I thought was OK but a little bit dull. Phil complained about not hearing enough traditional german music. I left them around eleven and caught the tram back to the hotel fearing that if I had another beer I would require another ten.

Roman Stuff, Mixed Meat and The Best Bar in the World

Waking up around twelve, I showered, felt great and was raring to go. The other two were somewhat less enthusiastic. I left Joe and Phil in bed (I heared Phil mutter 'Psycho' as I left) and I walked along the River Rhine. I walked down towards the Chocolate Museum but didn't fancy going in. I climbed onto the roof and sat on a bench watching boats and people go by it was cold but sunny. I crossed the river by the railway bridge and let the world go by.

I vistited the Roman Museum - I have never seen so many roman pots and jugs in my life. It was all very samey (there are only so many roman oil lamps that one needs to see) and was not the most interesting museum I have ever been to but I did like the mosaic floors which were found underneath the Dom.

I ate at McDonalds, it was awful but I didn't feel like sitting in a cafe alone. I looked at a street market and saw some paintings that I really liked but their size and their three hundred euro price tag put me off. I was surprised at the number of people walking around looking in closed shop windows.

Around four I decided that I should try and ring the others when I saw Phil coming towards me. Paul, Kerry and Caroline were climbing to the top of the Dom whilst Joe and Rob had found themselves a comfy seat in a bar.

We went for a last drink before the two couples caught the plane home in a bar beside the river. I ordered mixed meat and fried potates, the meat could have been anything but tasted good and the potatoes were covered in garlic and pepper and were very very nice indeed. Phil and Rob ordered sausages which naturally led to a conversation about penises.

With the others gone I made Joe and Phil go back to the Station Bar. It was empty inside but the barmaid was extremely lovely. Later Joe said he wanted to find somewhere with a bit of life and we headed towards the ring road again.

Joe and Phil were hungry and we ate in a restaurant with mice running around, I was not impressed. Neither was another customer and complained to the barman who just shrugged as if to say 'What do you want me to do about it?'

We spent the evening bar hopping and went from one pretty barmaid to another until finally we ended up back in the Irish Bar we had finished Thurdsay night in. It was busier this time and it seemed as though everybody knew each other. An american bloke walked in and Phil for some reason was incensed by this, I got chatted up by a gay irish lad, we went from being slightly inebriated to being shitfaced, Joe tried to mischeiviously record our drunken conversation, Phil told the barmaid that it was the best pub he had been in all weekend and she didn't seem to want us to stop drinking.

Saturday Night in Germany

After Joe and Phil finshed their steak breakfasts we met Paul and Kerri by the cathedral and promptly found a pub and Rob and Caroline joined us a while later. The pub we were in was a little quiet and they were playing dodgy german oompah music so I suggested moving on. We walked towards the Alstadt and found ourselves in a slightly busier replica of the original bar. If we had stayed there I would have gone to sleep

I decided that we should go to the bars on the ring road and marched the group to the tram station. There was a little confusion with buying tickets and I think some of us fare dodged. The trams in Cologne are very good and within a few minutes we arrived.

Don't ever let Paul lead a group. We wandered around aimlessly past loads of bars but for some reason Paul didn't like the look of them and would simply walk past. After walking past about fifteen bars we halted outside a Jazz club. I was up for going in, five euro entry, a jazz band and two for one drinks all night but the others fancied a little more walking and dismissed at least another ten places.

Joe and I finally commandeered the situation and led everyone to a bar we had drank in on the Thursday night. This, unfortunately was full. We tried next door but it had no music or much atmosphere but the barmaid persuaded Kerri and I to stay. The barmaid promised that she would put some music on as soon as the football (Germany Vs France) finished. Paul had already power walked halfway down the street and had to be enticed back.

After a few beers, I proposed a round of cocktails. Paul and I had a very potent Long Island Iced Tea. Joe had something disgusting. Kerri had Sex on the Beach and Caroline didn't get one because the barmaid forgot her. I forget what Rob and Phil had but I think one of them had a Tequila Sunrise.

We had another beer and then went next door. Most of us had become very well oiled by this point in the night. I chatted to Rob about love films and to Caroline and Kerri who were planning their respective weddings unknown to Rob and Paul. About half three the two couples left us to go back to their hotel. Rob didn't want to go home and Caroline said that she didn't mind if he stayed out, even if we went to titty bar (I had drunkenly announced that I wished to visit one) but Rob was sensible.

Joe, Phil and I had a couple more beers, the barmen looked like they wanted to go home and we left about four.

We were ripped off by the taxi driver returning home.

Köln Ludwig Art Museum

Waking up around twelve, I showered, felt great and was raring to go. The other two were somewhat less enthusiastic. I tried to make as much noise as I could as to awake them from there slumber but this was to no avail. I decided that I should leave them and go in search of food and culture.

I caught the tube into the city centre and decided to visit the Ludwig Museum. Inside were three exhibitions:

Rosemarie Trockel - Post Menopause
Apparently she 'developed a unique work from the 1980‘s on that made her not only one of the internationally most important artists of her generation, but also a model for following artists.' I've never heard of her but then I'm just a beer swilling hooligan anyway. I liked the exhibition, it made me smile.

George Brecht. "Events - Eine Heterospektive"
This to me just seemed like a big collection of random stuff and I wasn't that impressed with it.

Auf beiden Seiten des Rheins - Mouvement
This was a joint exhibition with the K 21 gallery in Düsseldorf from the collections of a french art gallery who were celebrating their 20th anniversary last year. There was some great stuff in this exhibition, my favourite being a series of photographs of french people in the 1950's with steering wheels and handlebars pretending to drive cars and bicycles, pure madness.

The gallery also has a huge permanent collection of paintings and sculptures from Picasso. And also has the largest Pop Art Collection outside of New York. The best exhibit in the museum was 'A Portable War Memorial' by Edward Kienholz a huge installation of a war memorial with changeable dates and place names. I thought it was a little strange that as a contemporary art museum they didn't seem to have anything after 1980's, although I did see Gillian Wearing's 'Dancing in Peckham' - which I think won the Turner Prize. I spent two hours walking around the museum and could quite easily have spent another hour there but it was time to meet Joe and Phil.

The Arrival of Mr Cooper

Our plan was to be more drunk than Paul when he arrived, I'm dont think that we were very succesful at this. We met in an excellent bar called the The Station Bar near his hotel. It was one of the few bars Cologne that sold big beers and I was well pleased that the DJ played both Yo La Tengo and Stereolab for me.

For me the night becomes somewhat unclear after leaving this bar. The festivities in the square had finished but we bar hopped around an untold number of establishments. Rob and Caroline left at some point and in the last bar of the night I danced drunkenly with Kerri, Paul was eyed me up for a fight, Kerri and I then had a fight (something about sticking up for myself...), and then she asked me a million and one questions and that made me feel as miserable as I had done in Norwich (when Gemma did the same).

We finished the night with a kebab, Kerri got chatted up by the kebab shop owner and Paul became very territorial "SHE'S TAKEN AND WE'RE GOING HOME".

Joe, Phil and I arrived back at the hotel around eight after a pleasant taxi ride home with somebody who didn't like the Karnival celebrations but couldn't persuade his wife to not go. The man on reception laughed at us staggering in through the door and we went to bed.

Beers, Stairs and 70,000 Germans

Waking up around eleven, I showered, felt great and was raring to go. The other two were somewhat less enthusiastic than I. I decided that I should go in search of food. After about an hours stroll around the leafy suburb where we were staying I bought croissants and orange juice and returned to the hotel. Joe was still in bed watching the TV and Phil was showering.

After another hour the other two had finally put their make-up on and we headed into town. As we sat on the tube train we thought it very odd to see a girl wearing devil horns and a long black cape drinking a beer from a bottle. As we came out of tube station into the square by the cathedral we were greeted by hundreds of people wearing fancy dress costumes all carrying beer and some of them carrying drunk people too.

We decided to follow the people in fancy dress and found that all the bars around the Alstadt square were rammed with drunken germans wearing fancy dress, the streets were also rammed with drunken germans wearing fancy dress and the main square was also full of drunk fancy dress wearing germans. We decided that it would be a good idea if we too became drunken and fancy dress wearing but as we had had a skinful the night before and as we hadn't had any breakfast it was a little too early.

I ate sausage and sauerkraut for breakfast and washed it down with a beer, which was fairly pleasant. The other two had a sandwich and coffee which didn't look as appetising

Joe decided that he wanted to go to the cathedral. We walked up the 509 steps to the top of the spire, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, Joe had to have a cigarette break half way up. You can see for miles from the top. I paid to look through some binoculars and could see that the party in the square was getting even busier and more raucous. I could also see people working in the offices around the square, I thought this was very funny.

Returning to the ground we set out to find ourselves a fancy dress costume so as not to feel out of place. We had seen a fancy dress shop the night before, I knew exactly where it was but Joe was determined to go the other way. I didn't listen to him. The fancy dress shop was ace, we spent about an hour trying things on before Phil and I decided that cowboy hats would be the best (and probably the cheapest) option. Joe wanted another look and bought a hat with a big feather in it, he claimed to look like a musketeer, he just looked silly.

We had fancy dress and were now ready to become drunken so set about finding some beer. Normally an easy task but Phil for some reason insisted on giving the man behind the counter more money than he actually wanted even though he had tried to return it.

Now with beer we headed towards the square to enjoy the evening's entertainment: several covers bands and a techno trumpeteer. We drank quite a lot of kolsch and at some point Joe suggested phoning up Dan to tell him what a great time we were having whilst dancing with 70,000 drunk germans to 99 Luftballoons. He was doing his homework.

First Impressions of Köln

Even though it was only eight o'clock Phil and I decided that we should start the weekend with an in-flight beer (I guess that this is was an early pointer for how the rest of the weekend would fold out). Joe, however was being sensible and only ate a croissant.

After clearing customs and catching a train to the centre of town, we thought that with the aid of a map we would have no problem finding our hotel. Unfortunately the X-mark on the map was not actually the location we were looking for. After a little bit of trudging with heavy bags, lost, through a park and then through a residential area Phil popped into a newsagents to get directions.

The newsagent went next door to a gym to find someone else who could speak english to help who in turn got more people until there were about five people that we couldn't understand trying to be of assistance. After five or ten minutes of not understanding one another the newsagent offered to phone a taxi for us (I had the feeling that it was just one of his mates who came to pick us up for a few quid).

The hotel was not too far from where we had been looking and once we had settled in our bellies told us it was time to fill them. A short train ride into Cologne brought us right in front of the Dom, an awe inspiring structure that has to be seen to fully appreciate it (no photo does it justice). After a bit of wandering around we found ourselves in a beer hall. None of us were sure whether food was being served and it took us several beers before a waiter finally realised that we wanted to eat too.

I think after waiting so long anything edible would have done but the food was excellent, Joe and Phil had steak and I ate a nice roast beef platter with garlic fried potatoes.

Feeling bloated we strolled down the river to the chocolate museum housed in a building that had been designed to look like a big ship. Standing outside looking at the pricelist some germans came through the door and started talking to us. Not understanding we shrugged and rudely walked off.

After slowly walking through the shopping area we found ourselves in a bar. Were we served by a waiter who seemed to want us to get drunk. He would immediately bring another beer the second either Phil or I had reached the bottom of our glass and then he would show his disgust at Joe who invariably had a full one. He was a big bloke (who according to Phil looks like Gary Busey) and I think Joe was scared of him because he would down his drink every time!

Joe had read that the most lively part of Cologne was around by the ring road but when we got there most it seemed mostly dead. We wondered whether or not we had made the same mistake that many english people do when holidaying in Spain by going out too early but after several more bars and beers it was getting late and still it was quiet.

About oneish we were feeling hungry again and to the horror of the anti-corporate hippie that is contained within myself, we ate in Subway and I enjoyed it.

Everywhere seemed to be closing when we discovered an open Irish Bar that served pints. The details of being in this bar are a little hazy except for it having a funny barmaid who also wanted us to get drunk and thought we were from New Zealand (perhaps its because Joe and I were talking about rugby) and that it seemed to be closing as Joe, Phil and I were its only customers for about an hour when all of a sudden it filled with people and had no sign of closing when we left at 4.15.

We got back to our hotel around five in the morning we got home via taxi. I had fancied a trek around the city and wanted to catch the tram home (they run all night) but it was raining and the other two wouldn't let me.

Boo - Hooray

Tim and Gemma aren't coming to Scotland for New Year, that sucks. :(

I'm on holiday and am going to Germany in a few hours, that doesn't! ;)

You Talk Too Much

I met Phil for last orders, I went on a bit too much (again)! I hope he didn't mind.

London Sunday

Leigh and I had a pleasant day wandering around London chatting and occasionally stopping off in a pub for a beer or two.

We dropped into the Tate Modern and saw some cardboard boxes and decided we were not in the mood for a crap exhibition.

We admired a buxom barmaid in a pub in Waterloo and decided that it was about time that we stopped fancying our mate's wives/girlfriends and found somebody for ourself. Probably a good decision.

After watching the football and having a few more beers it was time for me to go home.

Punk Rock Karaoke

After eating, Leigh took me to a pub that apparently featured in 'Happiness', the girl serving in there was very nice. Ska music played on the soundsystem and this reminded me of ladies in bikinis doing the conga, hmmmm. We had a swift pint in another pub and then hit Punk Rock Karaoke.

Inside it was fairly empty, they had ran out of draught beers so we had to make do with cans of Red Stripe. There was no sign of it starting but gradually over the next hour it started to fill with many attractive australian ladies.

About 9.45 Steve Lamacq asked for volunteers to sing. I was a little unsure of the standard at first so didn't immediately put my name down. The first few singers were all pretty good but then the people who obviously didn't care got up just to make a noise. Two blonde girls that sang a Hole song have stuck in my mind for being both particularly attractive and particularly bad singers. One gigged all the way through and the other only occasionally made a noise.

The band took a break after 45 minutes and Leigh was badgering me to put my name down for the second set. I wanted to sing 'Ever Fallen in Love' by the Buzzcocks but somebody had already performed that so went up to Steve Lamacq and asked if I could do 'Gay Bar'. He put his arms around me, looked me in the eye and said 'You have to get here earlier if you want to choose a song, nobody has done a Ramones song why don't you do one?' I agreed.

Ten minutes later I was on stage singing 'Sheena is a Punk Rocker', I was obviously very good because an Aussie girl came up to me afterwards and said so. I asked her if she planned to sing and she replied "No fuckin' way mate!"

Once the karaoke had finished the place started to empty out, we decided to leave. We both fancied a curry but Leigh didn't know anywhere that was open. Settling on a very nice kebab instead we then went for another beer in another bar that was playing crap music, then we left and strolled homeward.

The last thing I remember Leigh saying to me before he headed off to bed was 'Wait till I tell dusbin how you got me drunk!'

Natural History Museum

I've been feeling claustraphobic in Birmingham recently and a few weeks ago decided that I should go and visit friends elsewhere to try to relieve this. When Leigh invited everyone to London to join him at Punk Rock Karaoke I jumped at the chance .

Dan was camping in the Lake District, Tim was working in Weymouth, Gemma was staying in Lowestoft and Joe was probably playing Dungeons and Warhammer or something equally as sad, I was the only one to take up the offer.

The train ride to Marylebone was both cheap and pleasant and I was in London about one. Leigh gave me a whirlwind tour of London in his car. After dropping my kit at his place, Leigh asked me whether I fancied visiting a museum and doing a bit of sightseeing. I told that Tim and Gemma said that I should visit the Natural History Museum to see the Wildlife Photographer of the Year Show. So we did.

We found out that you could also see the photos on the net. We considered that it might have been a good idea to take Leigh's laptop to the pub and look at the exhibition from there. We saw some dinosaur bones, some stuffed birds and some fossils. However we mostly looked at women walking around the museum which I quite enjoyed.

Friday

I had a terrible day at work, too many coppers moaning at me because things that I had no control over didn't work or because things that they asked for hadn't been done immediately. After a few hours of this I put my headphones on, listened to Belle and Sebastian and ignored everybody.

Nick came up from London and used me as an excuse for seeing his girlfriend for the shortest period of time possible. We met up for a couple of beers but this turned into more beers than I wanted to drink.

Later in the evening Victoria turned up, we went to the Sunflower Lounge and didn't talk to each other.

After Work Drinking

I was working fairly late and I heard on the radio that a car crash had occurred on Ladywood Middleway and also that some idiot had set fire to a railway signal box. Getting home was going to take ages. Paul suggested that instead of sitting waiting for a train or in traffic we should have a couple of beers and get a later bus/train. Not one to turn down an offer of any kind, I reluctantly agreed.

We drank a couple of beers in the Old Joint Stock and it was decided that there was no point in going home just yet because the traffic would still be bad.

It was also decided that there were no nice women to look at and we should move on. We tried The Hill around the corner which was not much better and after a couple more Paul asked me to take him the Sunflower Lounge.

In the Sunflower Lounge's downstairs bar, a band were making a lot of noise and the audience were stroking their beards. I thought it was all a bit naff. We went back upstairs and had a cool chat about breaking up with long term partners, Paul went through a similar thing a few years back and it was interesting to hear him say how he felt at the time, which was pretty much how I feel now i.e. A few months ago I was part of a family unit but now I'm on my own and don't really know what I should be doing. Reading this must make you think we were having a heavy conversation but it wasn't, it was full of black humour and sexism. ;)

Hazy Hazy Year

Dan said to me that he thought the year had gone quick, to me it is the opposite, strangely I can't remember much before Stephen's stag do which I think was in May. Can somebody fill in the missing blanks please?