No Working.

I've had no work since the 23rd of September and I ran out of money so I figured I'd best go and sign on. I am now time rich but cash poor which means I can go and do stuff in the week just as long as it is free, so that is exactly what I did this week, well apart from going to the pub, which is not free at all.

Monday - Caught the Metro over to Wolverhampton to see a Pop Art exhibition, I was a little bemused by the notes underneath the artworks which I thought were reading things into the stuff that just wasn't there. I finished off Red Dead Redemption, even though the character you play is looking for redemption from his past life of crime I still managed to kill over 700 people, games are silly like that

Tuesday - I had to go and sign on for the first time in seven months, those places are horrible. Later I went to the Hare and Hounds with an old hippie called Clive, I grumbled about paying £3.80 for a pint of San Miguel and played some computer games and listened to Leon make funny noises with his Korg Kaos Pad thing.

Wednesday - Needing to get some money together for Lisbon I went and sat in the library and put things on eBay. I looked at whether or not I am allowed to do this whilst signing on and it seems that I can, similar to flogging stuff at a car boot sale as long as I don't start buying stuff to sell I neither have to tell the jobcentre nor HMRC. After this I caught the Metro again and went to Bilston Town Hall where I saw and amazing film called The Miners Hymns, it is made up of BFI archive footage set to the music of Icelandic composer Johann Johannson. Bilston Town Hall is a fantastic venue, it has great acoustics and is really ornate and should be used for lots of other cool stuff.

Thursday - Went and changed some euros I had because I was totally skint and then met Phil and Dave in the Country Girl for a lunchtime pint, I had two pints of American Pale Ale which was very tasty. I could have stayed there for the duration but Phil is on baby birthing watch and Dave said he was going home to sweep up some leaves behind his shed? Not to worry though, I had been invited to a thank you drink for my work at the Birmingham Literature Festival at the new pub Cherry Reds on John Bright St which I duly attended.

I drank a few pints of Freedom Pilsner which is rather tasty, I got quite squiffy, my brother, Wayne and Annoying Tim turned up, they had been in the pub all day and were very drunk, luckily most of the Lit Fest people had either gone home or were quite tight themselves, one of the girls was insistent that she was going to carry on but none of the others wanted to go to Moseley with her. Annoying Tim, doesn't like being called Annoying Tim and claims he is not annoying, he is, so I carried on calling him it. It was time to go home, I bought a can of Lech to drink on the bus, we went to a pizza shop and my brother puked all over the floor and then on my arm, I didn't eat any more pizza.

Friday - Worse luck, I not only had to go to the jobcentre again, I also had a thick head. After the hell that is a signing on visit I caught the bus to West Brom so I could visit The Public for one last time before the cultural vandals of Sandwell Council closed it down and leave the area with nothing worth visiting for whatsoever. I saw a play in a caravan and took some pictures. I tried to get home but for some reason Network West Midlands aren't able to divert their buses around an road traffic collision and I had wait over 70 minutes for a bus not to come before finally getting on one of those cheapo travel worlds most uncomfortable bus buses.

I was planning on stopping in with Joshua that evening but this didn't happen, he decided he was going to visit his gran. Even then I wasn't planning on doing much as I only had a tenner left but my brother asked me if I wanted to go to the Oak for a few so I popped down, there was quite a few people in there including a very drunk Jonno. He was absolutely off his tits, I'm not sure why the bar staff kept serving him but they did and by midnight he was unable to get out of the front door of the pub because he couldn't work out how to unlock it. My plan was to leave my beer take him back to the flat and then go back to the pub and finish my pint.

Jonno however insisted that I carry him to Becky who was at Andy's house because he didn't know where his key was. This was a mistake. The next thing I know it is four in the morning and I am ready to go home to sleep. Then further to that it is half past six and I still haven't gone home.

Saturday - I sat, watched some telly and felt rough.

Sunday - I was expecting a two day hangover but it seems to have passed me by, still I haven't done a great deal, got up late, played computer games with Joshua and then wrote this long rambling post.

This week I guess I will have to apply for some jobs and other exciting things like that.

Hungover and Thunderstorms

The last day was as last days of holidays always are, a mixture of sadness because you don't really want to go back to but also you have the feeling that you want to get home as quickly as possible, this is not going to be the case for me.  I am quite hungover when I wake up.  Dan has already shot off because his flight is earlier.

For breakfast Eileen takes us for an ice coffee and cakes bought from a cafe. We sit in the park chilling out for a bit but it starts thundering so we wander around some shops in the tropical conditions.  Eileen wants to buy Madeleine and Jose something to thank them for their hospitality but I am completely skint so am unable to contribute.

Some bastard nicks my coat as I am getting on the coach.




Sleeping Dan and I head back to the airport but this time it is me that drops off, Dan tells me that he is feeling wide awake now.  We have quite a long wait before our different planes which is a bit annoying when you haven't got the money to even buy a drink.

Dan heads back to Gatwick and I get on the plane to Stansted, a massive thunderstorm lands over the airport the minute I do, we are grounded for two hours before taking off.  This isn't so much of a problem for me as I would only have to wait for my coach at the other end.   Border patrol is stupid, I can't work out why it takes so long in the UK.

I think I have five quid on me but it turns out that it's only four so I regret buying a sandwich as it means that I will have to wait at New Street Station until six o'clock because I don't have enough change to get the early bus.  I get home about half six.

Dresden

Wide Awake Dan tried to wake everyone up by making lots of noise but it didn't work so he wandered off on his own, a couple of hours later we stirred and went off in search of breakfast.  We went into a little cafe and I had a meat thing which was quite tasty, Sleeping Dan and Joe ordered a ice coffee but the lady behind the counter said that she had no ice cream, they had cold coffee.  We sat out in a back yard and watched very cheeky sparrows fly around our table.

Joe likes to pack light and was in dire need of some clean socks which luckily he found in a pound shop, unluckily he didn't look at the sizes and bought children's.  Eileen took us along a scenic route into the old town jumping into a fountain along the way.  We saw a cigarette factory that looked like the Kremlin, an opera building that people think is a brewery because of a TV ad, the palace and lots of other lovely recreated buildings destroyed during the Second World War.  Dresden really is very pretty.  We bump into Dan in the palace grounds and Eileen suggests that we go and have a look at the Frauenkirche which was rebuilt completely.

It is a very impressive building, the colours inside are very pastel which according to Eileen caused controversy when the building was reopened despite the fact that they were the same colours as the original church.

We sit down for a much needed pint outside a nightclub that Eileen says she is never going to go to.  Refreshed we walk down the River Elbe towards the Brauhaus am Waldschlösschen where we are planning on eating.  We stop off at the beer garden next to the ferry for a couple more beers.  We get to the restaurant where Dan and I have some big steins which are really cheap.  It is very pleasant sat out in the brahuaus garden.  We order the days special which is pork knuckle with sauerkraut, it is extremely tasty and massive too.

Another beer and we wander back down the river towards the Neustadt fighting off clouds of tiny moths as we do so.  Dresden is currently hosting a massive outdoor cinema and there are lots of people sitting in the river bank watching a film which I recognize from the music but am not sure what it is.  We stop off once again for another beer before heading towards the anti-social corner where Eileen is meeting some friends.

Dan says he doesn't want to sit outside so he, Joe and me go off to find the METAL!!! bar, they don't have a great selection of beers or spirits and it is very hot and sweaty inside so we don't stay too long before going to the off licence and to buy some beer so we can all sit at the anti-social corner just like everyone else.  The next thing I know I am pouring with sweat inside a nightclub drinking chilli cocktails then shortly afterwards we have been kicked out and are looking for a bar that is still open.  Thankfully there aren't any and we go home, this is the first night that I have been to bed first, I am knackered, I sleep almost instantly.

Templehof to Dresden

A day for not meeting people.  We were a bit more lively this morning after not going too wild and arrange to meet Steffi in Templehof, this is like meeting somebody in Hyde Park and when you don't know exactly where they are it is completely impossible.  It is a nice place to visit so we weren't too disappointed but it was a shame not to catch up with her.

We are travelling East to Dresden today so a large chunk of the day is taken up with that, we drink beer on the train and I amuse myself by poking Eileen.  :)

My first impressions of Dresden are that it is a lot nicer than Coventry.  We head towards Johannes' flat, dump our stuff and wander out for a beer in very nice bar where they are playing records that sound like Jesus and Mary Chain whilst old 60s french pop videos are on the telly.  We get back to the flat about one and have a game of table football.  Everyone except Johannes, Eileen and I go to bed, we stay up until 8am discussing various different things including my permaculture garden and how a mate's new girlfriend wasn't as nice a the previous one and that he should dump her and go back out with the other.  :)

Third Day in Berlin

I think we maybe all got three hours sleep before we got up, ate breakfast and freshened up.  The plan for today is to go to a beach bar with a jumble sale, we leave the house about 3pm and wander up the road, stopping off to have a look in a circus performance and to play on the kids playground for a bit before meeting Tina.  It is very hot and we figure that it's probably a good idea to jump in a cab instead of walking.

We arrive at the beach bar which is more like a car boot sale with beer and deck chairs, I am a little bit hungover and the heat isn't helping I think that it's probably a bit too early to start drinking again.  For some reason at one of the stalls is young lady with nothing on except a pair of knickers, she is obviously very proud of her boobies.  We have arrived a little too late as most of the stalls are closing, Sleeping Dan buys himself a t-shirt for 50 cents and is offered a load more for a very cheap price. 

Eileen decides that we should all go down the road to another beach bar where the musical selection is reggae.  There is a shower which is very nice to stand under and freshen up, Joe is thinking about wet T-Shirt competitions the dirty boy.  Not-so Grumpy Dan is missing, Eileen is going to leave him but I tell everyone to carry on while I go and find him, he has found himself a deck chair and is enjoying a coffee whilst watching the boats travel down the Spree.

Dan and I catch the others up and we go to Yaam which is very nice, they have paddling pools and sand and bars and reggae and people playing football, Madeleine tells me that she is not going in the pool because all the kids that are here have probably weed in it.  There is some sort of festival going on but we don't really take that much notice and chill out on deckchairs drinking cocktails, generally lazing about. 

I thought Madeleine was very nice, she has a laugh that would cheer up even the most miserablest of people but I am to discover that she is in fact evil.  I was sitting there minding my own business when a young child dumped a bucket of water of my head.  I discover later that Madeleine had paid this child one euro to do this.  Little bugger.  :)

Being wet was actually quite refreshing, and when it started raining everyone was quite pleased.  Jose, Tina, Eileen and Madeleine are hungry and head back to to Neukolln for a curry.  Dan has just bought another cocktail so we decide to catch them up after we have finished.  Sleeping Dan starts talking to a girl so when it is time for us to leave he decides to stay.   The curry house that the others have picked is very nice, there is more food than any of us can eat, I give it a good go though, I am walking out like a weeble man.

We are all a bit more subdued than the previous night for obvious reasons so instead of hitting the town we gravitate to a park bench where we drink some bottles.  I am told off when I suggest putting our empties in the bin because there are people who make a living out of collecting bottles and returning them to shops so that they can collect the deposits.  I am starting to feel a little drunk now,  despite taking it fairly easy we have still clocked up more units of alcohol than doctors so you are supposed to drink in a month over the course of the day.  We decide it's probably time to go home.

I'd like to say I went to bed and got some beauty sleep but I didn't Joe, Sleeping Dan, Jose and I sat on the balcony drinking beer until it was light.

The Stasi, The Berlin Beer Festival and Staying Up Until it is Way Way Way Past Time to be in Bed

I think I woke up about 11am, there wasn't much movement from anybody else so I got up showered and read my book, eventually one by one everybody else did the same, Sleeping Dan obviously being the last to make it.  Eileen prepared breakfast which we polished off, it was nearing 2pm.  Eileen had to finish off an article on trousers for work so Dan, Dan, Joe and I out in search of the S-Bahn.  As we left the apartment block I heard Grumpy Dan mutter the words "lord", "out before", "christ" and "3" for some reason.

The station wasn't too far but the signs stop halfway along so we take a wrong turn and end up walking miles in the 50 degree heat that had taken over the city.  After stopping to ask for directions we walk towards Treptower Park and faff around at the station buying tickets for ages.  Finally we get on the metro and ride over to the Stasi building that No Hair Dan wants to see, inside is a very dry museum where you can wander around looking at 70s style furniture and small cameras that don't really look small enough to be hidden in the places that they were hidden in.  Whilst the three of us were having a look around Sleeping Dan found himself a nice few chairs to rest his head.  You only get to see a small section of the Stasi HQ but it is immense and quite hard to take in it's full size.

We had arranged to meet Eileen and Jose at 3pm but it already 4pm so we sharply get on the metro and whizz around to the start of the Berlin Beer Festival we decide that because it is so hot we are in need of some liquid refreshment before finding them.  We sit at one of the tables next to where Jose works and start off with a nice lager, it is very refreshing.  Sleeping Dan falls asleep, Hungry Dan runs off to get himself some sausage and then some steak, Smokey Joe goes off in search of fags.

As I am sat there waiting for everyone to come back I watch a young lady in a skimpy outfit wet her ferrets under a sprinkler, she is quickly joined by lots of interested blokes wanting to stroke them.  We spot Eileen and Jose have another beer and then start walking through the beer festival stopping off at different stands to try Nepalese, Singaporean, Ghanaian and Laos beers as well as lots of sausages and pickled foodstuffs.  A couple of hours in and we've only really scratched the surface of the immense festival but Eileen and Jose leave us to go to a punk gig that I'm quite glad I didn't have to go to as it would have ridiculously hot and sweaty.

We are met by some very drunk Danish ex-coppers who want us to know that they are with in the fight against the tyranny of the EU and get very upset when asked if they live in Copenhagen.

Grumpy Dan had a little moan about the beer and how it all tasted the same even though there was 330 different flavours and went off in search of an ice coffee (seriously who drinks ice coffee at a beer festival). We sit down for a bit while Sleeping Dan goes to sleep and Eating Dan eats some more and Smokey Joe gets even more cigarrettes.  I have a couple more beers while waiting for them to do there tasks and then we carry on.

Our next stop is at a stall that has music, Country Roads is being sung but the words are in German and the lyrics appear to be about Berlin, Dancing Dan seems to be quite enjoying this.  Here Sleeping Dan has a cloth placed on his head by one of the ladies in the bar who is concerned that he might be a bit drunk.  A group of German lads sit next to us but don't talk to us and so we get up to go to our last beer stand of the night. I am quite keen on the idea getting to the end so we can say we did all 2.2 km of beer but the others all reckon there is no point because all the beers taste the same, that there is still miles to go and we can have BIG STEINS at this stop so this is what we do.

We are forced by Grumpy Dan makes us go the long way around Berlin to get to Kreuzberg where we meet Eileen in the traditional Berlin Bar that we had been in the night before, she is keen for us to meet her friends around the corner but we stop for a beer before doing so.  We get to a street corner and meet Nellie, Steffi, Madeline, Jose and Theresa who all seem quite drunk (but this can't be the case because only English people get drunk the Daily Mail tells me so).  There is a plan of going into a beer garden but a man on the door is not happy because we all have bottles of booze in our hands so we have to stand outside for a bit drinking those.  I'm not quite sure why but we never actually get into the garden and instead are led by Dan towards Friedrichshain where he remembers from last time that there are bars and clubs we can go to. Eileen is not happy about us walking this way and is muttering something about "horny people" and "annoying" but brightens up at the site of the old warehouses and people boozing in the street.

Joe, Madeleine and I go off in search of beer, we are standing across the road from a great big 24hr supermarket but fail to see it until a man at the bus stop points at it when asked if there is anywhere that we can get beer.  Joe and Madeleine fill a basket full of beer, I buy some cava and we run off with the basket when the security man isn't looking because we have nothing to carry the booze in.  All this time Madeleine is laughing and shouting "WE ARE THE KINGS! WE ARE THE KINGS! WE ARE THE KINGS!".  We return with the booze.  Eveyone thinks indeed we are the kings.  Dan doesn't want he says to sit in a car park and goes off on his own in search of more exciting things he can do.

Time seemed to be very stretchy on this night, one minute seemed to last for hours but hours seemed to last for minutes.  I was sat talking to Theresa who didn't believe that my music of choice was house and dance music.  All of a sudden she jumped up, flung her arms around me and said "You have to come to this club that on Berlin people know about".  She grabs hold of Madeleine who complains that she only likes electric music for 20 minutes before getting bored but she is dragged to the club anyway.  We are inside a very hot and sweaty club dancing to minimal techno for what seems like five minutes but when we go outside it is light so it has to have been a couple of hours.  Madeleine is now shouting "I GET ELECTRIC MUSIC I CAN DANCE TO IT FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTES!!!" and rings Jose to try and convert him away from his punk rock ways.  We get stamped and return to the others for a bit more persuasion.  It turns out that Sleeping Dan has been asleep for quite some time and Grumpy Dan has not returned from wherever he went.

Joe throws my cava all over himself for some reason.

Theresa, Madeleine and I head back to the sweaty club having failed our persuasion, we need to try and look slightly less drunk than we are because the lady bouncer doesn't want to let us back in.  But in we go and it is busier than it was before but I don't think we stay that much longer.

It is very late/early but we stop off to have silly photos taken in a photo booth and then jump onto a tube and head back to the flat.  Grumpy Dan is waiting outside.  We drink some more at the flat and it is nearly ten in the morning before anyone goes to bed.

Berlin - Planes, Trains and Automobiles

After making the final decision that I will go to Germany today, I run around like a blue arse fly sorting out what need to be sorted out, the gods of traffic are against me however and unfortunately I miss my bus which leads to a long and boring Trains, Planes and Automobiles type expedition to get to the airport with only a few minutes to spare before the plane leaves without me.

I land in Berlin and am messing around with the ticket machine for the bus which wont take my money when a huffy man standing behind grabs my fiver puts some coins in, hands me a ticket, gives me my money back and says "Welcome to Berlin".  The bus journey is easy and stops closer to Eileen's brother's flat than I am expecting, I press the buzzer but there nobody in, my phone does not appear to work in Germany so I figure I'll go and see if I can find a payphone/bar and come back later, no need for this as I am two minutes down the road when I see Joe, Dan and Eileen coming up the road.

I dump my back in the flat, drink some schnapps and we leave Sleepy Dan to sleep and Jose because he has to work tomorrow and head out to find a bar with a beer in hand.  After a short walk avoiding the dangerous park and having a dreadlocked man compliment me on my accent, we are outside a "hipster" bar, Eileen doesn't like "hipsters" and wants to leave, I think that "hipsters" is code for really attractive young women in the Eileen-English dictionary, we have one beer and leave.

The next bar is a more traditional Berlin bar with real Berlin people according to the Eileen, we sit and people watch and have a couple or more beers and already I am enjoying the city.  After a bit we decide that cocktails are in order, I now realise that this is the wrong decision, I let Joe decide on my cocktail and he thinks it might be good to order something from the SUICIDE COCKTAILS section of the menu.  What arrives on the table is a highly alcoholic dishwater, it is disgusting, I can't drink much more than a couple mouthfuls.  Eileen decides that not only will she down her's in one she will knock mine back as well.  She is mostly OK to start with but then starts making funny noises.

Eileen is still making funny noises when we get up to find another beer, she then decides that she can't sit at the table we have picked and will sit on a doorstep a little down the way while she empties her stomach of the dishwater cocktail over the pavement.  While she is in the process of doing this a Police van with 15 or so coppers inside turns up, two of them get out and make a beeline for Eileen, I run over and explain that I am with her have half a beer left and am then going to take her home as soon as I finish, one of them asks Eileen if this is true, she nods, and he laughs and then gets back in the van.

We start walking home.  Eileen makes more funny noises and has to stop several times to puke some more but eventually get home.  It feels quite early to me but it is at least 3am, probably a good time to stop.

Quiet Weekend

After the last one a quiet weekend was probably what I needed (although maybe didn't want) I left Huddersfield just after 3pm on Friday afternoon hoping to get back early-ish so that I could pick up Joshua, the Megabus however had other ideas and it was past 10 by the time I got home.  Still at least I got home unlike those poor people in Spain.

Saturday, Joshua and I head over to my sister's flat to sort out her dog, I really don't know why she keeps  working all weekend when she knows the poor thing is stuck in on its own.   Dog sorted we head into town for the Warwick Bar Summer Fete, lots of nice arty things to look at here, including a David Bowie installation set up by Leon.  I am surprised to see him given that he was supposed to be at the Garden Festival and Nozstock but he apparently had returned just to set this up and then was heading off back to the festival(s). 

We followed some signs that took us down the canal and into an art space by the Blues ground tha I'd not seen before where they were showing a collection of modified toys used by The Modified Toy Orchstra and Juneau Projects.  Joshua was impressed.

Earlier on we had passed the Birmingham Beer Bash at The Bond which was in full flow, after jumping on the bus home and managing to get back before the heavens open I did wonder if Tim would have been cursing his luck at not going there and going camping instead, I have subsequently discovered that they came home early so my worry was unfounded.

The rest of the weekend was lazy, I spent too much time on the Interwebs, Joshua spent too much time playing with his iPod.  Ah well it's good to do nothing sometimes and I did do some more of the online course I've been doing so it's not totally wasted.  I am considering having one enforced computer free day.

I was supposed to meet Phil last night but he had to cancel because his Mom is unwell which means I've practically gone the whole week without beer (I'm not counting the two I had on Thursday night in Honley) which must be some sort of recent record.

Today has been pretty unproductive, I have been trying to do work but kept getting massively distracted, I even popped out for a bit in the hope that I cold get started when I came back but that didn't work.  I'll try again later.

Butterflies

For some reason I have butterflies in my stomach.  The same feeling you get when you are utterly in love with someone or when you are sitting outside an interview room waiting to be grilled by a panel of bosses about a job that you don't really want.  I'm not sure why I have this feeling.  As far as I know I am not about to be interviewed and I'm pretty sure that I'm not in love with anyone (lust maybe but that is different).  I've had the sensation for several days now.  Maybe I should go to the doctors.

This week has been one big comedown from Tramlines, I started drinking at 3pm on Friday with a very refreshing pint of cider and stopped about 4am on Monday.  Very little sleep and what sleep I did have was not in the best places, floor, setttee, feet up in the air.  Anyway, Monday night it was hot and sticky but that wasn't the reason I couldn't sleep, thoughts were appearing and disappearing into my head at the rate of knots and I couldn't relax.    Tuesday night was no much better.  It was Friday before I felt normal again. 

Big weekend followed by big comedown.  Maybe that's why I've got butterflies in my stomach.

Tramlines Sunday 2013

After about an hour of shuteye I am woken up by Gemma coming down the stairs, she tries to burn herself by throwing hot water from a pan into a jug into a cup in order to make coffee.  I have a cold shower, involuntarily, and am surprised to find that I have no hangover.  Tim on the other hand is dying and is rolling around the floor in pain and complains everytime I make the slightest noise.

Neil's parents arrive to deliver birthday presents and a kettle and to tell Tim that his hair is rubbish but not quite as bad as his face.  Neil's parent's leave and Louisa's take their place so that she can have a lift home, they don't stay for long as everyone is eager to get out and get back on the lash once more.  Tim is still complaining about a hangover.

We arrive in town just in time to see the Everly Pregnant Brothers who do a clean version of their normal gig, I buy some beers, I am feeling great, Tim is lying on the floor moaning.  Neil and Caitlin are not drinking today.  The Pregnant Brothers finish and we decide to head down to see the 65DaysofStatic A/V installation at the Millennium Gallery which rather aptly has a video piece that uses Arab Strap's First Big Weekend as it central theme.  Gemma orders a Jaipur, I have a Kolsch, Tim complains.

We next move to Cathedral outside there are some religious looking types banging bongos inside there is a man with a guitar being a boring acoustic guitar man, he murders 7 Nation Army.  We all leave and after a little bit of indecision find ourselves in the Dada Bar where we are met by Daz, Jen, Lousia, Chris and Andrea once again.  We stay for a few beers and for a short while whilst sat in a comfy armchair that I start to flag a little.  Not to worry about that it is time for action.

Neil, Caitlin, Tim and myself walk down to the Peace Gardens to see Shangaan Electro reach 189 BPM with their South African electro jumpy very fast funk music.  Tim announces for that he believes that Party Tim has returned.  We drink some more beers hastily purchased from the Co-Op.  There is now a B-Boy competition going on, it is all legs and arms flailing around, I don't get breakdancing.  Halfway through the competition a rubbish R&B singer takes to the mic, Neil doesn't like this.

Tim hits me, for no reason, again, he is getting very hand nowadays, maybe he needs to go to anger management.

Somebody wins the breakin competition.

We are rejoined by the Gemma, Daz, Jen and Louisa who have been watching something else at the main stage that apparently wasn't very good. Neil and Caitlin head off back to Brum and decision is made for the rest of us to walk down to the Queen's Social, this is miles and miles and miles away and when we get there has a distinct lack of beer.   It is also the hotter than a sauna inside, there are some bands on, one of them sounds like Dexys.  Tim, Louisa and I spend most of the time outside where it is cooler, I consider going to the casino and putting all of my money on red, if I'd won I have doubled my money to £2.26, I don't take the risk.  Louisa decides that everyone needs a belly for a pillow rather than a bosom.

The band that sound like Dexys finish, according to Gemma they are the best thing ever ever ever of ever, Daz even buys their record.  There is no beer at all left now, nor any cider, nor anything else.  We head off into the night...

Well as far as a garage anyway, I buy some beer and we walk up to the Harley whilst drinking it.  I can't remember why we don't go in, maybe there is a queue or something but we jump into taxi with the intention of finishing the weekend.  However we don't we get to Daz and Jen's where I am plied with rum and other beverages until after 4 in the morning.

Pints: 736
Hours on the Lash: 14+
Rum consumed:  Nine bottles.

Tramlines Saturday 2013

I was a little hungover when I woke up, so decided rather than flail about on the floor it might be a good idea to lay on the bed I was given. I was maybe there for thirty seconds when I heard Gemma coming down the stairs and figured it might be time to get up. A couple of black coffees and a full English at Gert's later and it was time for us to be the first people in Hallamshire House for our first drink of the day whilst we waited for the busker bus.

We got on the busker bus, there was no buskers and the bus driver didn't know where he was going. There was however a competition to win a holiday to Lanzarote if you took a picture of yourself on the busker bus. I still haven't had my winning tickets yet. Tim has promised to take me instead of Gemma if he wins.

Eventually the busker bus winds its way into town only to stop because one of the other passengers has asked the driver if he would wait for his mate who is in Nandos, amazingly he does. We get off and stand around waiting for the connecting busker bus which will take us to the Folk Forest. About half an hour later we figure that it's probably best to skip the Folk Forest and go and meet Caitlin in the pub next to the train station.

Gemma decides to start on the Jaipur, Tim and I on the otherhand are sensible and have a weak session beer. Tim is very excited about the arrival of Caitlin and is bouncing around the station looking for her. She arrives, we have another pint and head over to the Peace Gardens to watch people dancing really badly with flags to jazz music. Louisa, Andrea and Chris are already here, Chris is swigging bottles of Hobgoblin out of a carrier bag but the other two are claiming that they are never going to drink again.

Caitlin needs to buy a ticket so we make our way to the City Hall and sit on the steps drinking beer when a man comes out and tells us off and makes us move 10 yards right of were were sitting, not because we are drinking but because we are not drinking booze bought from in the City Hall. After a bit more sitting round we make our way inside to catch iLikeTrains, they are a bit iffy but nowhere near as bad as the horrible pint of Carlsberg that Gemma hands me, it is so bad that I have to leave it after about a fifth of a pint.

We all leave and wander out into the packed streets and over into the main stage area where we see some forgettable bands and drink some more beer and stand in big long queues for the loo and drink even more beer. My memory for the next few hours is a bit hazy due to us not eating enough (something that Tim and I said we wouldn't be doing) but Daz and Jen join us and we go to a place where there are people making shouty music, I am told by Jen's sister that I look like Alexei Sayle and Darren gets told off for shoplifiting CDs from the CD stand.

Our last but one stop of the night is Subway unfortunately, I needed a kebab!!!

We finally go to the Leadmill for some Red Stripe drinking, there is a shoegazing type band playing, they are OK. When they finish the indie disco starts, every third song is by the Arctic Monkeys. We are all pissed now, Caitlin attempts to kill me by shoving chopsticks up my nose and then Neil who is sober because he'd been photographing a wedding finally arrives.

It's late, we should probably go home, I am half tempted to go and see David Rodigan but know in the back of my mind that we'll not get in. Daz can hardly talk again. Gemma is dragged out the club by the scruff of her neck. Caitlin, Daz, Gemma and I pile into Neil's car. Gemma is complaining that she want's to stay out. Tim and Louisa pretend they are going off to go and get a taxi. Neil drives us to the wrong side of the city and then to Tim's house. Tim is not yet back, I ring him and he concocts some story about being a good Samaritan to a helpless lady but I know that he is really skanking to Sir David Ramjam Rodigan with Louisa. Ha ha.

I am quite tired now and want to go to bed but it is too hot upstairs and Daz is taking the spot on the floor. Tim and Louisa come back. Daz is ejected. It is 6am.  I go to sleep....

Pops drunk: 15 million
Rums drunk:  0
Time boozing:  Hours

Tramlines Friday 2013

I took a day off and leisurely made my way up to Sheffield and went straight to Tim and Gemma's house to find Tim beer in hand complaining that Gemma had ruined his peaceful afternoon by making him meet her in town to give her a ticket and some other bits an bobs.  It wasn't really any danger though we were in the pub by three.  I had a refreshing pint of cider and then the weekend went downhill from there.  :)

After a bit of queuing to get our wristbands Gemma went off to do some stuff and Tim introduced me to a pub called the Black Bear which was full of old men and cost 10p a pint.  Outside we got talking to two locals one was of the opinion that fifteen quid was far too much and that Tramlines was only about the money nowadays, his mate on the other hand thought it was amazingly cheap and that London was crap and was never going again after a copper told him off for drinking outside Victoria bus station at 8 in the morning.

Daz and Jen turned up, we quickly necked a couple more cheap pints and wandered down the hill to the Sheffield Tap.  Tim bought me a pint of Reverend and the Makers which was rather nice a Bearded Theory only to discover it was £4.90 a pint, apparently because it was brewed in cask or something, apparently because they were taking the piss more like.  They do dress their bouncers up to look like ticket inspectors though.

Gemma arrived from wherever she had been and we made our way to a dungeon bar where there was some live drums and bass (guitar) music.  It was OK but it didn't really have anywhere to progress to plus it was in a dungeon bar with crap beer and it was sunny outside.  Our next choice was equally as average, more crap beer, more dinginess at more not particularly great music at O2.

Our next stop was at the Riverside, Chris, Louisa and her mum had joined us now and it was here that I started to feel a little bit tipsy, I think I may have had some cider, thankfully there was no cream cake like there had been the last time I was in this pub.  After a brief stop we went to another pub whose name I forget, upstairs there was a Gypsy folky type thing going on but the room was so busy that we couldn't get in, it was a bit sweaty for that sort of thing, they sounded alright from the outside though.

Friday night was techno night, we piled off in search of the Hope Works and was led by Google Maps Tim with some other lost people down lots of dark alleys.  Eventually we came across a massive queue so we knew we had come to the right place.  Luckily there was only a massive queue because they hadn't let anyone in.   We got in and the Red Stripe drinking began...

Jen didn't like the techno.  She pulled a face.  And then went home.  The techno night strangely morphed into a 70s disco night and half the crowd (mostly those under 25) left but this made Louisa very happy.  Oddly even though this happened and the club was half empty the bouncers weren't letting anyone else in. Tim accidentally dropped six cans on someones head.  Gemma shouted "DON'T JUDGE MEEEEE!" when I said that she might be a bit inebriated.  Daz could hardly talk.  The DJ played lots of disco re-dits what I like.  I drank lots of Red Stripe.  Gemma and Daz somehow got themselves covered in white paint.

It was now about four o'clock in the morning(ish), we jumped in a taxi, through Daz out along the way and headed back to Tim and Gemma's.  For some reason I slept on the floor instead of in the nice comfy bed.

Hours on the Pop:  13ish.
Pints drunk;  8+
Rums drunk: 0

Hogsozzle Sunday

Sunday was an odd day, I woke up bumped into Gemma who was coming back from the toilet, drank some rum and some beer and some tea but couldn't shake the hangover that I had and this was how the day was to pan out rum, beer and a lingering hangover. It was absolutely boiling hot watching bands. I tried to kip but it didn't really work. I drank lots of beer but still nothing would shift the hangover.

Joe was lurking around the festival site like a sex panther. Wayne looked like he'd been awake for several weeks. Annoying Tim was being a bit annoying. Everyone else was snoozing and enjoying the sunshine.

The paint fight was amusing to watch but far too energetic to take part in plus I had no clean clothes left and I'm not sure Joe would have been happy for me to have sat in his car covered in powder paint.

The bands seemed to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and weren't really that great. It got dark and started to go cold, we did a bit of disco dancing and a DJ lady came on the main stage but she was a bit dull as well. They had some fire spinners and everyone went "oooooh". I planned to go to bed because I was cold, dead on my feet and feeling very rough but instead found myself back at the tents occasionally sipping a bit of rum. Gemma came back and said she wanted to go to the dance ten but instead fell on Louisa's tent and then on the floor and then on her own. I gave her some rum and she curled up into a ball.

It got too cold to stay up any longer and I went off to go to sleep only to be disappointed to find Annoying Tim and Wayne smoking in my tent again. Annoying Tim wanted to go off running around in the woods pretending to be a wolf, I told him was welcome to do so but I wouldn't be joining him. He eventually sodded off and I went to sleep.

Hogsozzle Saturday

After three hours of ignoring Annoying Tim repeating "Are you getting up Richard?" I get up, drink tea and have a very tasty bacon sandwich. I return to my tent to discover Wayne being bullied by Annoying Tim as usual and Joe lolling around in his tent. I go off to see if the others have woken up, they have. Gemma and Tim are considering leaving the site in order to replace their airbed which I am told has a slow leak, Gemma however is unsure that she should be driving given the copious amounts of rum that we had drunk the night before. More tea and some snacks later and the decide to head off with them as I had foolishly forgotten to bring a coat for what looked like could be a weekend that produced the next biblical flood.

I didn't wake up with a hangover but the minute we pulled into Stevenage mega mall shopping estate I started to feel ever-so-slightly rough, this, I feel must have been something to do with the brief slipping back into the real world that my body wasn't expecting. I say real world but there was a pirate on a rowing machine in the foyer of Tesco. I was unsuccessful at procuring a coat but did find a comfortable camping chair for a mere £3.60. Bargain.

Back onto the campsite and we start drinking again. My brother arrives and disappears again. We sit around the tent for a number of hours before somebody deciding that we should really be watching some of the bands. We do this. They are not very interesting. My brother's band comes on and there is a bit of a hitch with the sound and they are jamming and sound quite interesting but then they fix the sound.

The Least Annoying Man in the World Tim, Louisa and I go and have a boogie in the freezing cold dance tent to some UK garage which is rather fun and then stand by the pigs wondering when they we are going to be fed. We are not just yet. So we head back over to the tent and drink some more rum and beer. Wayne and Annoying Tim who have been wandering around in a bit of daze all day turn up but I think we must be old and boring because they left to go and throw grass at each other or something.

The two hogs were eventually ready and we stood in a line for our free pork with cold cabbage and potatoes. I went back for seconds straight away and was quite full. Led Zeppelin came on the main stage and a man brought us a big tray of meat which we attacked like the vultures we are. Led Zeppelin stopped but there was still lots of British Blues music being played on the PA which was quite fun dancing to. A DJ followed this and played boring trance music and wasn't very good.

Here the night took a darker turn as I was brutally attacked by the Least Annoying Man in the World Tim for accidentally jumping on him and knocking his practically empty bottle of rum and cup of hot chocolate all over the floor. He hit me not once but twice! I ran off with a drunk Gemma with the Least Annoying Man in the World Tim shouting "That's right you go!!! Baaaaaaaagghhh!!!!" but only to the coffee place to get more hot chocolate. Gemma wanted to go to the dance tent but I insisted on replacing the drink before I was brutally beaten again.

After this incident some of us went to the dance tent but not for very long, it was a bit dull. I decided to get my revenge on Annoying Tim and Wayne for keeping me awake all night by being very loud on my return to the tent, successfully waking them up. I briefly saw my brother again. Then collapsed on my airbed and fell fast asleep.

Hogsozzle Friday

After a morning of slaving over a Team Foundation Server I call it a day and ring Joe to see if he is still on track for the 1pm start that he had promised the night before. Having woken him up I rearranged a time and met Wayne and Annoying Tim in the Oak whilst we were waiting. 3 and a half pints later we were off although not that far because Wayne was in dire need of a wee. We stopped at Watford Gap, relieved ourselves and headed back off, the sat nav decided to take us a very nice scenic route through the Chilterns and we were soon near the festival.

We still needed some provisions for the weekend so we found a Waitrose in Hichin and bought some quality beers, wines and spirits at some fairly reasonable prices before driving through commuter belt to the festival site near Ware. It had been raining quite heavily as we drove down but luckily there was break whilst we tented up, this was rather fortuitous as Waybe and Annoying Tim were far more of a hindrance than help in the erection procedure. Tents up and time for the drinking to begin...

There were some bands on. Also some DJs. It rained. Quite a lot. I got extremely muddy and rather drunk. The Least Annoying Man in the World Tim kept bringing me beer. The dance tent was very cold even colder than it was outside but that didn't stop me from pole dancing even when the bouncer came up and stood next to it. We drank lots and lots of rum. I put mud on Jen's face. We finished the night sitting round the tents drinking more beer and rum until it was too cold to stand it any more.

Then I went back to my tent to discover Wayne and Annoying Tim smoking the 'erb inside telling me they had no intention of going to bed that weekend and every five minutes would ask me if I was still awake. Eventually they either got bored or I managed to drown them out for a few hours and then it was hot and light and I needed a wee in preparation for round number two.

Lazy boy.

Today I got up late, sat looking at teh interwebs, had a snooze in the bath and looked a more of teh internets.  Very very lazy, done absolutely nothing productive, I am the procrastination king.

Beer Drinking Log No.12384

Well that was an amusing night, starts off with Phil deciding to throw beer into Dave's crotch and pretty much everywhere else in the pub and then drinking at rate (according to Neil) at one pint every twelve minutes.  He did seem very drunk very quickly was told off by Cat at regular intervals.  Four(ish) beers later Phil and Cat decided to go home to eat the food that had been simmering for hours in their slow cooker.

Dave and I had the idea of jumping in their taxi and getting off halfway to meet Karl to watch a dodgy cover band, this didn't happen, instead we went back to Phil and Cat's to eat their dinner.  Phil became Mr Angry Ranty in the taxi because it was a few pence more on the metre than he normally pays and wouldn't shut up, I think he scared the driver.

We then ran into the offie and I bought four cans of Orangeyboom lager to drink whilst eating.  Cat said her house was a mess, it wasn't my house is a mess, it looks like something off one of those decluttering programs.  We ate some food and then Dave and Phil disappeared upstairs for ages "to look at guitars".

It was getting quite late and Dave and I still had the idea of meeting up with Karl but a bus whizzed past us just as we got to the stop.  We sat around drinking beer in the street like hooligans waiting for the next one to come and arranged to meet Karl on the bus so we could go back to Dave's and drink his homebrew.

What Dave didn't tell me about his homebrew was that it was 8.5% until after I had drank a few of them.  This is why I have a hangover now. :)

Drinkies

Met Phil, Dave and Cat in the Lamp about seven, they had been in there a couple of hours before so were a little oiled, Catherine was rather hyperactive having drunk a whole four pints of cider and was bouncing around quite a bit.  I was a bit skint so after a few ales I left them too it with the intention of grabbing a couple of cans and meeting Karl to see his mates band.

After a stupidly long wait for the bus I eventually meet up with Karl in the Hare and Hounds and we watch the Bluebeat Arkestra who sound like Dreadzone playing Saint Etienne records which have been produced by James Murphy.  They are an entertaining watch and there was a big crowd out because it was free gig.  Obviously free entertainment is not Joeys thing because around eleven, I get a stupid text of him saying that they he can't muster any energy.
 
All of a sudden Karl says I'm going to get the bus now and drags me out the pub but not to the bus stop to the shitty Wetherspoons on Kings Heath high street and then starts talking to some silly cock rock person who is dressed like somebody out of the Motley Crue.  Oh dear.

Then after a bus ride I find myself in a snooker hall with people dancing to Gangnam Style drinking crappy Carling we only stay there for the one, it's an emergency boozer down the road from my house.  I have a couple more beers at Karls house and head off home.

An enjoyable evening.